:: The Blurst of Times ::

:: 4.24.2006 ::

The Search for Truth, or Dude, Where’s My Bike?

I believe in some sort of ultimate Truth. I believe that this Truth transcends all cultures, fads, time, and distance. I believe that in some microscopic or infinite cosmic way, there is something that is simple, linear, direct, and True. And I believe that someday this Truth will be revealed to me.

I believe that this Truth answers all questions, explains all relationships, and is empirically and infallibly just. The Truth holds no humor; it may be as simple as a single point or as complex as a fractal, but it will encompass just a single idea, the idea of the underlying Truth in everything. The Truth has the capacity to shave away all irrelevant, self-supporting, re-affirming information, and in doing so will explain everything.

I occurred to me recently that I have spent my life searching for this Truth, often without even knowing it. I used to (and still to some extent do) believe it is also the Right Answer. To every issue, every problem, conundrum, or challenge there is the Right Answer. It may be elusive or even self-repellent, it may require things beyond control, such as changing human nature or moving backwards through time. But somehow, there is a Right Answer.

When I was a little kid, sometimes I would lose stuff. Usually it was something like a Lego or maybe one of my Matchbox Cars. And as I would be looking for it, fruitlessly scouring the house and yard, it would occur to me that if that Lego or car had self-awareness, it would know where it was. It would be existing in the experience of knowing exactly where it was, what the objects around it were, what condition it was in, etc. It would have seen the sequence of events that led to its current position. Maybe it could even see me searching for it, only without the capacity to provide additional information to guide me. There was no personality attached to this lost object; nor was there morality in its potential awareness; it just was. And it was the Right Answer that I was really seeking - not any kind of guiding force that would lead me to the object, but more working within my own powers to fix upon the correct location. I would now say that I was seeking the base Truth that would put me and my eyes in the exact spot where the object I was seeking was existing.

There were rarely religious overtones to what was the Truth. I saw (and still see) the concept of God as just another person, though possibly in a more cosmic sense. The idea of God dedicates itself to an inherent fallibility within humans that they cannot reach a certain point (possibly the Truth) without having additional powers supplied to them. Maybe these extra powers come through prayer, or dying and being saved, or believing that Jesus was the son of God… I do not know. I have never been that keen on the idea of being powerless in the face of the entire universe: I can accept my own miniscule-ness, even my own ultimate transience in a universal scheme, but I have a hard time bringing myself to accept the fact that I am so inherently flawed that using the fullest extent of my capacities I would not be able to find the Truth. So whereas God (in the Judeo-Christian sense) is a force that leads, or subscribing to the idea that everything is connected through some mystical force(s), I believe the Truth is simply the aggregate of all information, much of which will reduce other information to inconsequential nothing (look up neutrinos, quarks, and anti-quarks; or read A Brief History of Time by Stephen Hawking to get this idea), and using this information we can see what is real, if anything at all. The final clause in the concept of Truth is that there may be so such thing, and the deconstruction and reduction of everything may simply result in an infinite void.

To me, the Truth can appear in everything. In design, it is a matter of examining all the issues. In people, it is beyond all lies, and motives, and actions - this makes it much harder to see. In me it is the ultimate challenge. Yet still I look.

In seeking Truth there is comfort, for in Truth there are no unknowns. It is pursuing a science, but it is the science of everything. There is also a certain amount of detachment that one can feel in looking for the Truth because of the inherent objectivity in the Truth. There is no good or bad, there just is.

The most recent example: Friday night my bike got stolen from out in front of my apartment. Just ghosted. It was there at 10.15 when I stepped out to get my sketchbook from the office. It was gone when I looked out at 7.30 the next morning while I was drinking my orange juice. No footprints, no signs of a struggle, not even the bike lock remained: just the cold hard sidewalk and the cold hard bike rack. It had been there for seven months, practically un-ridden, the chain was rusted, the tires were flat, dogs had probably peed around the bottom of it; I could go for weeks without ever noticing it. And suddenly, it disappeared. And for this I could be upset. But I am not. It is what it is and the Truth holds the answer. Something happened and it is possible that no one save the person who actually took the bike has any idea that something happened. If that bike has self-awareness, it would know what happened.

But through the Truth, someday I can know what happened, too.

“I can see through the light…”
:: Freddy F. at 1:49 PM [+] ::
:: (4) comments ::

Ten Days Away, or Feeling like Fish, or This One’s for You, Tex

So, it’s been a while… How’ve you been? I’m doing alright, you know, can’t complain. I apologize for being away for so long… I would like to say that I was busy or that I was getting something really big taken care of; that maybe I was off saving the world, or teaching impoverished children, or even helping old ladies cross the street. But that would all be less than true… a lot less.

Without delving into the details of what has been happening for the last 360 days, suffice it to say I’ve learned a lot. I’m sure in time I’ll get to all the stories, but for now I would just like to speak about the last ten days.

When I was in school I used to get pretty stressed out about stuff and really not ever notice it until after the project was done and I could relax again. Then suddenly I would feel the lack of the weight and it was fantastic. The whole issue was that the stress would build up so gradually that I’d never notice it was there.

For the last year I have been kind of bored. It started with the occasional bout of ennui and it has just grown and grown until I was just plain flat-lining. And the worst part was that I had no idea it was happening. Well, that’s not entirely true. I knew I was bored, I knew I needed a break, I knew that something had to give because I was to the point were I wasn’t even motivated to change my station. So I went on vacation.

I flew out east to see what world was passing me by, if any at all. And I think I learned a lot. I learned that there are still things that inspire me and they aren’t always what I’m expecting. I learned that sometimes I have a hard time not being busy and I should probably do a better job of keeping things in perspective – aggressive climbing cannot come at the expense of things that I value. I learned that some of my best thoughts come when I’m least expecting them; that sometimes my best thoughts never make it to my mouth, and some of my worst thoughts do far too quickly; that sometimes my best thoughts are only half-formed in my head and there needs to be a lot more discussion for those thoughts to develop. I learned that people will forever have their own lives and be their own people and sometimes you just can’t get parallel to that, no matter how hard you try.

The bottom line is that I have been reinvigorated. I’ve learned a lot about myself that I hope will be apparent in the coming days and months. I feel like I have a better perspective on what I am doing, what I want to do, and what I’m capable of doing. I know of places I want to go, experiences I want to have. In some ways I have tested my limits or seen myself in a new light. But most of all, I have taken the opportunity to step outside of my life and in doing so can see the forest, not just the trees.

Mounds of gratitude go out to everyone who let me crash on a couch or a floor, use their shower, bought me a drink or a dinner, and took some time out of their lives to show me around a bit. In more ways that I could ever tell you it’s always a blast.

“I feel so out of context, in this gaudy apartment complex. A stranger with a door-key explaining that ‘I’m just visiting’…”
:: Freddy F. at 11:47 AM [+] ::
:: (3) comments ::