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:: 12.17.2004 ::
A Little Clarification on Yesterday’s Topic, or The Tuna Fish Crusade
* I actually only thought about that stuff for part of the day. I spent more of the day thinking about this:
At about 5.30, when I put the milk back in the fridge after pouring a goodly amount on my Raisin Bran, I noticed that a bowl of tuna salad was missing from my fridge. I looked again. It wasn’t there. I knew I only ate half of it on Saturday, and I knew exactly where I set it when I put it in there.
Instinctively, I blamed my roommates. Those fuckers are always stealing my food. But then I remembered: I don’t have any roommates.
I quickly recounted the meals between then and now. Dinner Saturday - out; brunch Sunday - cereal; dinner Sunday - BLT’s; dinner Monday - Leftover chicken tacos; dinner Tuesday - Combo’s and a three musketeers (I was working)... Here it was, breakfast Wednesday, and I hadn’t eaten that tuna fish. I checked the dishwasher - only one bowl - that would have been Tuesday breakfast. And I had run the dishwasher Monday morning, so I couldn’t have eaten it Monday night. So it had to have been eaten before Sunday night. I know I didn’t eat it before 11pm on Saturday and I know that Sunday morning it was in there, next to the leftover chicken. And I was out Sunday afternoon until almost dinner. Then I came home, read a while, got lit, fried bacon, ate three BLT’s, watched the simpsons, called my mom, got lit again, and went to bed.
But now that I think back, I woke up Monday morning with terrible heartburn, usually indicative of late-night eating. Could I have sleep-eaten that bowl of tuna fish salad? Then I counted my bowls. Six. Didn’t I used to have seven? Is there a missing bowl? Does that bowl have tuna salad in it? Is it someplace around my house, carelessly discarded in a somnambulant binge? Will I come home after the holidays to a noxious stench of rotting fish and miracle whip, not to mention the relish?
I checked the recycling - two pieces of foil - one leftover from last week (fell out in the truck on my way to the center) and the other from the tuna fish bowl. So it had been unwrapped. So I must have eaten it, right? But I wouldn’t have eaten it plain - I either need crackers or bread. Check the bread... looks as I left it, six slices light on Sunday night. Check the crackers - AHA! - one box almost gone, the other box opened. Totally uncharacteristic of my usual simplified and tidied lifestyle - I would never open a container of something without the prior container being emptied or combined with the new container.
Finally, I came to the conclusion that I must have eaten a half-bowl of tuna fish and Wheat Thin crackers, late Sunday night / early Monday morning, rinsed out the bowl, put it in the dishwasher, and tossed the aluminum foil cover in the recycling.
And with that, Encyclopedia gave Sally a knowing wink, while Detective Brown handcuffed Bugs Meany and took him downtown to book him on the charge of stealing Wally’s accordion....
The End
:: Freddy F. at 11:59 PM [+] ::
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