:: The Blurst of Times ::

:: 8.22.2004 ::

Sweetness Follows

It seems like every time I sit down to write here my mind enters a weird twilight zone that is a combination of ‘drawing a blank stage fright’ and ‘I’ve been away so long and have so much to tell.’ It’s very odd. And somehow unsettling.

And I’ve noticed (and it has been pointed out) that the quality of writing I have displayed here has taken a marked decline. And for that I will take a good portion of the blame, but the sort-of-writer’s-block I’m dealing with is also at fault here.

So these things have been on my mind. I walk past my computer, sitting idly in my ‘studio’ and think, ‘Hmm, I should just sit down and write something.’ But then I scurry past, off to some other non-event that is not pressing. I have this same problem when it comes to phone messages - the desire to be minimal, yet substantial and usually the messages just come out muddled and unintelligible. All this, coupled with the fact that I feel like when I write something, something I hope other people take the time to read, it should be substantial and worth reading. In the end, I put a lot of pressure on myself and things often come out lacking.

[As a sidenote - writing in a weblog about writing in a weblog is no less pretentious than making a Waking Life, and I wholly apologize to anyone who, while reading this, feels like I felt for the duration of that film]

To come from a different angle: I just finished reading “On Liberty” by J.S. Mill. I haven’t really picked it up since high school and I couldn’t remember if I made it through the whole way when I read it then or not, so I decided to read it cover to cover, especially utilizing morning and evening bus time. As I’m reading it, I realize that I am formulating arguments and rhetoric in my head relating to what I am reading. But anymore I really have no outlet for that kind of rhetoric [this point will be discussed further in an upcoming post]. So I developed a plan (and even wrote it down on a little notepad I keep hovering around my living room for just such occasion). The plan is that I will begin seriously writing, more for analysis that pure commentary. This means the blog will take less of a humorous slant (if there ever was one) and more of an analytical slant. this will not make some people happy, others may be pleased, and the other 5.999999999 billion people on this earth will continue to not give a flying fuck.

But to me, this is something.

And in the end, what else do ya got?

“If I could sing the world to sleep. If I could sing myself deaf...”

:: Freddy F. at 12:29 AM [+] ::