:: The Blurst of Times ::

:: 9.30.2003 ::

Things I hate:
- When people steal shit. Someone stole my buddy's $1600 bike off the racks right outside our studio last week. That's fucked. I hope the person who stole it gets syphilis and their fucking nose falls off. Also, on a lesser note, someone stole a drawing off my desk - not just a drawing, but a basemap, an essential piece of datum that cannot be cheaply or easily replaced. And ideas? don't even get me started on the little shits who steal ideas...
- Group work. Ridiculous. I can't believe that at the age of 23+, in our fifth+ year of college people are still waiting until the last minute, dodging responsibility, turning in crap for final drawings, etc. C'mon, surly we have grown out of that by now. But hey, if I'm doing all the work, then at least I control the quality, right? From now on, I'm flying solo (that will unfortuanately go for other aspects of life as well, but will not bitch about them here, because I'm not sure if they fall into the Hate category).
- When people choose to ignore analytical thinking skills.
- When people ask me to do them a favor (that will potentially take several hours), then are not ready to go when I am and insist for three hours that they will just be "fifteen more minutes." And holy fucking shit - did that guy just walk out? Is he fucking leaving for the night - because I can think of at least 6 specific, plausible places that I would rather be than studio tonight.
- The fact that unless I have deadlines bearing down on me from all sides I cannot seem to get work done. I have been in studio for almost three hours tonight and have done some little things, but nothing I needed to do, and because the dealines are so far in the future, I don't really want to do them. Motivate me.
- When people give you things that aren't really their's to give.
- Playoffs sans the Mariners.
- Skunks
- Marching... anywhere
- Being sick
- Dead batteries
Enough of the hate - tomorrow, I'll show the love. (props FRS)

"This is not Churchill Downs, this is not Hollywood Park. When the field's wide open I'll pick the horse that's got the biggest heart..."
:: Freddy F. at 11:08 PM [+] ::
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Three of the best cures for sore throats: orange juice, bed rest, gargling with hydrogen peroxide. Three of the worst cures for sore throats: alcohol, staying up all night in Seaton Hall quite possibly the most germ-laden building on all of campus, going several hours without drinking anything. Guess which of these lists I was able to accomplish in the last 24 hours... and suprisingly enough: my sore throat is dwindling. I guess I won't be dying. Whew.

If I could just throw this out there in response to this: Why don't you move the computer to the living room? Just a thought...

Here is what I am addicted to listening to: Sytem of a Down, Postal Service, Patty Griffin, and Mitch Hedberg. That is going to be this month's audial recommendation. So there ya go.

I don't know which I miss more: my drums or girls. Maybe everyone should vote.

"It seems so out of context in this gaudy apartment complex, a stranger with a door-key explaining that 'I'm just visiting'..."
:: Freddy F. at 9:15 PM [+] ::
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Gad, I'm fucking sick. I haven't felt this bad in such a long time. I always look for the precise reason "why" I am sick, and frankly, I'm just not finding one.

So because there is no explanation, I can only assume this is going to kill me. Thought in the shower: "Dying from some undiagnosed, yet easily preventable disease is a pretty shitty way to die." I am even skipping a soccer game in case that improves my odds of living through mid-week. I wish this kid was of some use yet.

In other news, I am creating a memorial for the September 11, 2001 World Trade Center Incident. Nay, I am being blackmailed (with my acedemic design cred hanging in the balance) to honor this horrific event, in memoria. To quote a Mr. Koolhaas: "In spite of Bloomberg's pragmatic sobriety, the transnational metropolis is enlisted in a national crusade. New York becomes a city (re)captured by Washington... Instead of the two towers - the sublime - the city will live with five towers, wounded by a single scything movement of the architect, surrounding two black holes." So the design is taking a decidedly unpleasant genus loci.

"I'm ashamed to mention my anguish but silence lies empty..."


:: Freddy F. at 9:29 PM [+] ::
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Let's hear it for checking the "Latest Posts" list and scoring again - check this out. Yeah, any blog that quotes Weezer - Pinkerton in the first paragraph is going to make this list. Anyway, that's my recommendation for the day.

So, I'm officially going to get back to blogging for real, where I talk about my life and mind and whatnot at great length and you can all skim them. The best way to start is to catch up on current events, let's see...

Ah, went to a nice kegger last night, congrats to the kids who pulled that off, as even faculty was there. Nothing like pumping the keg while your programming professor is filling his red Solo cup. And the tail, man if that's what I lose when I become a professional, then I don't want to grow up (more on this in a moment).

Also went to my favorite bar, who happened to be playing Johnny Cash all night long - there's a good reason they're my favorite - kudos and respect all around. I decided that the death of Johnny Cash is monumental enough to warrant someone writing a good song about it, but the only person I can think of who'd be cool enough to write a eulogy-song for the Man in Black would be Johnny Cash himself, so alas.

Also had a really good conversation with a cousin this past week - it's funny we're the same age, have experienced a generally similar life, have lived proximate to each other all our lives, and yet have never been very close. So the phone call was in order and I think when I look back in several years, I am more likely to beleive the advice given was very good advice, though now I am not sure I'm going to take it (again, more on this in a moment).

Also, (I'm not going to go into much detail about this, for social reasons, but) I felt the love from classmates this past week. Almost a sense of unity, something that is utterly lacking in my graduation class of 18 - 20 kids. Knowing that these are inevitably the people that I will see for at least 10 to 12 hours a day for the next nine months (as I have seen them for the last four academic years) I have tried to make social connections with them, but they never have seemed real and have never lasted. It seems like everyone may be too introverted to do social activities, too tied up in one-on-one relationships, too concerned about what everyone else thinks about them, whatever, maybe I just have BO and overyone is having fun around me. But this is the last year I will be with these people, the last opportunty to get to know them adn they me, and I'm going to give it the good ol college try. Social gatherings galore. It's worth a shot.

And finally (I promised I'd get here), the girl situation. Last week I went bike riding and while on a trail, fell down a flight of railroad-tie steps, landing on my back with my bicycle on top of me. This hurt my back very badly, and maybe someday I'll have a nice scar to show for it, but in the meantime, it hurt to move or sit or lay down on anything but my belly for about two days. This sucked, but I fixed my bike and plan on going back out again. The point is, I was bucked down a flight of stairs this summer, and I've got some open wounds. It's going to hurt for a while. Everything hurts right now - there are so many memories of her here, nothing I can do to escape it. I once said that if I lost her I would never be able to come back here - and yet here I am, for the next eight months at least. And she's even here too. And I somehow see her quite often, even though I'm trying to avoid it.

In any case, the point is that currently it hurts to move, to think, to go to class, to stay home, whatever. I think I'm not as strong as I once thought I was. This is not retreat, this is an objective survey of the state of things. I will become stronger - I will learn to live without her and other girls - I will focus on who I am, what I can do, and what I value. I must be alone. Or: this is the advice that I get from everyone. Internally, I think I am trying to do as mcuh as I can to sabotage this strengthening work, so I'm fighting the battle on a couple fronts here. The gist of it is: if you see me trying to get tail at a kegger, politly toss a cock-block in my direction and remind me why I need to leave that party alone.

In closing: it's Saturday night and I'm in studio - at least I'm not at home watching shitty anime.

"Gotta good feel for dancin' tonight, gotta good feelin' ever'things gonna be alright..."
:: Freddy F. at 12:22 AM [+] ::
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Maybe I should get back into this blog thing.

But for the time being, we shall mourn.

Dressed in black, how apropos...

"Oh, bury me not on the lone prairie where the coyotes howl and the wind blows free; where there's not a soul that will care for me. Oh, bury me not on the lone prairie...

:: Freddy F. at 9:12 AM [+] ::
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