:: The Blurst of Times ::

:: 7.13.2003 ::

Great Googily-moogily! (Things that are fucked)
1) The "people" have a hard time learning to distrust liars. We still believe cigarette companies, movie stars, and the president. Why? I don't know. The cops won't even believe me when I say I'm Walkin' for Peace, but no one will stick it to the president (or his advisors) for flat out lying to his employers. Let's say I go to work, tell the people at work that we need to invest all this time and effort (life?) into some project that turns out to not even be a project. Further, once we get done fucking up some site, we are stuck with the bill to even bring it back to its previous decrepide state. Yeah, I'd get fired, in a heartbeat. The best sound bite I've heard: If we are going to impeach the last president for lying, it would only make sense to impeach this one as well. At least logic is on my side.

2) My skin is peeling like a mofo. In one area its flaking off in dandruff-like bits, covering my desk, computer, and all papers at work. In another area it has become a scaly lizard-like covering that is still burned underneath and itchy as hell. In a third area, it is peeling in huge pieces, doesn't hurt, but requires some skill and finesse to slough off those big sheets. I can do this for hours.

3) Haven't enough people broken my heart - do I really have to keep doing this to myself? Something that is so close to the surface, like having a huge flesh-wound that is just barely scabbed over and all I can do is keep scratching at it and poking it and tearing at it, and I wonder why I'm bleeding to death. Let's see if our hindsight can't piece this together: Date girl for 3+ years, live together, share everything together, get dumped, continue hanging out, spend halfhour drive home asking her how her life is and continue talking about how shitty your life seems. Wow, smooth as fuck, I am. It's a wonder she doesn't come screaming back, really a wonder. And in the end, what do I really want. I'd be happy with her back, right? I'd be happy with her gone, right? Everytime I think I might know the path to happiness, something changes, something gets said, some idea pops into my head, and suddenly I know nothing.

4) The very fact that at the age of 22 I know nothing for certain, especially regarding: Life, the Future, my wants/needs/desires, Asian History, Girls, and Cricket.

5) I am wavering between dedicated anti-materialism and comfortable domestication. The former requires I begin losing some of the larger items that I have accumulated over the years: a bed, drums, TV & other entertainment equipment, etc. There are other people out there that need them more than I, it will be a lot easier to move if I'm not carrying millions of huge things, having nothing allows me to make a clean break from the last four years of my life, something that I feel like I don't want to forget, but sometimes want to bury in a closet for a while. The latter requires that I continue moving tons and tons of stuff as long as I keep changing locations (one more year, knock-knock), keep buying things costing me money that could go to maybe better uses, and prevents me from just cutting loose and leaving everything behind to do whatever I feel like I need to do to run away. Currently, the former is winning, but only because it is so expensive to move or store stuff. Check back tomorrow - things might be swingin back the other way.

6) Mets: blowin' it tonight. Mariners: blowin' it tonight. Yeah, that's all fucked.

"Broken bottles, life is so hard... Oh, we made it through, not always but most..."
:: Freddy F. at 1:00 AM [+] ::