:: The Blurst of Times ::

:: 11.15.2002 ::

This week has indeed been a taxing one. Too much due and, I admit, it got the best of me - I blew up at some people that I shouldn't have and made some unnecessary comments and for that I would like to apologize (don't worry, I have apologized to them personally as well, I'm just filling you in on the gist of it). "All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy." So, it seems like a need a little play time. Not yet, but soon, just need to wrap up some odds and ends. But, I thought I have some valid points, that I will try to summarize here for my thoughts on the week.

Isuue One: Personal Responsibility
If you don't like something change it. If it can't be changed, fight it. If you don't want to fight it, don't complain about it. Each of us is responsible for our station in life - we are sentient beings and can move at will. If things are not as you want them to be, you must fix them or change your goals. Do not blame others for your station, because you have the power to change it. I know that I am not the best motivational speaker, know one will nominate me for any Knute Rockne awards, but the only one who will drag you out of your rut, is you.

Furthermore, when something has been done, remember the old (albeit nearly loathsome) adage: If you are pointing the finger at someone, there are three pointing back at you." If you screwed up a test, don't blame the teacher for teaching poorly or the lack of study time; buck up and take a better test next time. If the project didn't turn out the way you wanted it to, either fix it, or remember what was done and do it differently next time. If someone is mad at you for something, analyze the situation - have you done something wrong, if yes, then apologize or at least don't blame the person for being upset. And I know I am not exempt from this sin - I too, carry a cross from an old friendship, adn maybe some simple words of kindness would be enough to pave over that fault. I haven't done it yet because I don't believe that I am strong enough, but I hope that before I leave this region I will have taken steps to rectify this situtation.

Issue Two: Rumors
There was a time when I said "Everyone talks about everyone else, because there is nothing else to talk about, so get used to it." A wise friend (who I would gladly link to if she had a blog of her own) felt that I was incorrect and that we could think of lots of other things. At the time I thought she was wrong, but now I want her to be right. Anymore, my conversations consist of "he said, she said," "he's doing, she's doing," and I honestly think it breeds disgust. I don't know how much of a "libertarian" someone could consider me, but I firmly agree with Walt Whitman that "everyone should be allowed to go to hell anyway he chooses." If this person is doing that, unless whatever their doing is going to roll over my toes, I don't need to hear about it. It feels like conversations ahve just become a bunch of tattle-tales. I miss conversations of politics, ideas, landscape theory and principle, and even sports. I find myself longing to hear the words "I think" rather than "Didja hear" I imagine that I fall victim to this as well, but I'd like to think that I try not to spread rumors and gossip, and focus on the more important things.

Issue Three: Intent
Do not judge me, because you do not know my intent. Don't assume, don't go on what you heard from friends, don't belive what everyone tells you. Use the ol' noggin or if that is too much, come ask me, I'm an honest guy, I won't lie to you. If what I am doing is hurting you, then tell me, don't just assume that I am doing it to spite you. It is a rare time that I want to hurt someone, so don't think you are so lucky to be the one I hurt. Don't martyr yourself for me, I've asked for none. Be honest with me, and understand that I will be nothing but honest with you.

And somewhat related, don't play the politics. Please, do not be the bat - favoring both parties until there is a decisive winner, and don't play the Nazi, being kind to my face but amassing forces against me behind the curtain. I will not respond well to deception, and I don't like being "played." I wear my emotions on my sleeve and I never apologize for that.

I'm worried that this is going to come out sounding like I'm whining or someone is gong to be upset by this. No, I'm not worried about that at all. I'm worried that people will read this and think I'm taking cheap shots at them and will thus, misinterpret what I'm saying. I think it all boils down to taking control over your own situation and being an honest person. These are the things I ask for in the people around me. I admit, it is probably not good of me to start demanding things of the people around me, I have no right to that, if I'm unhappy then I should just "take control of myself" adn get the fuck out. And I will if it somes to that. Now, I'm here, finishing a degree that will hopefully take me to the places (geogrpahically) that I want to be. And when I go, I hope I can take the people (both literally and figurativly) that I enjoy being around.

I ran out of time when I first posed this because I was at work, then I got busy with stuff, then I had to end it quick so I could make it to class ontime. There is only one thing that I wanted to say. Does the picture at the bottom of today's entry of Bob Borden look a lot like a drawing that this guy would have done? Way to go national with the art, my friend (if that is the case).

So that's it, everything is going fine now, looking forward to a peaceful weekend.

"Don't be fooled the rocks that I got. I'm still (I'm still) Jenny from the block..."
:: Freddy F. at 12:29 PM [+] ::