:: The Blurst of Times ::

:: 10.30.2002 ::

I hate that class. God, I hate that class. I am going to try to keep my promise (goal) of not being judgemental toward people in the following diatribe, but I'm not sure of the success here. Argh, nevermind, forget teh diatribe. I just hate that class. Why must that class torment me so?! Why must my Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays suck so much? Maybe things will be better if I can just escape...

"To be in the shade, the only trees above my head..."
:: Freddy F. at 4:56 PM [+] ::
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Man, what a busy busy day - no time for Fred, that's for sure. But now the studio project is done, the Construction project is done and it is time for a little R&R.

Here is the big news you have all been waiting for: I got the job I wanted. Haven't worked out all the nitty-gritty yet, but that is certainly a weight off my shoulders. So from January to August of 2003 I will be locating myself in the beautiful Pacific Northwest, running, reading, and working to my little heart's content.

And, in order of chronology, not importance, I'd like to wish my sister a wonderful wonderful twentieth birthday today. That's right folks, she is now two decades old. Damn, that's ancient [as I crawl off sobbing and mourning lost opportunities]. Happy birthday, Sis, and may all your days be happy and bright.

I am sorry to see these two fellows calling it quits for a while. I wish you both a speedy recovery in whatever draws you away from this growing-ly necessary form of communication. Possibly a reunion around Thanksgiving...?

And on the topic of reunions - should he come to visit me on this apparently quiet weekend coming up here? Let me know.

B-dunk-a-dunk

"You don't know me, let alone my intent; actions do not always self-represent. I don't feel a need for explaining, my conscience opaquely clear..."
:: Freddy F. at 12:09 AM [+] ::
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I had a teacher who once said: "If it is hard, don't do it. You won't anyway, so don't stress over the fact that you aren't doing it." I'm running into a brick wall here at work. I have one current assignment, to grade about ten acres for a soccer field, a football field, and a baseball field. Currently, there is little to no slope, which means standing water... that's bad. I need to create slope, just a little, like 1%. So I create it. And the Boss says "Too much grading. Do less." And there I'm stuck. I've been stuck for about three days now. He doesn't give me new work, so I just keep staring at this field. Then when I get tired of doing that, I play minesweeper. When I feel guilty about doing that, I go back to staring. This viscious cycle must end, but how? or when? I can't get the earthwork down. ARRRGH.

So it was a good weekend. Went and saw Rocky Horror Picture Show in a big group and did the whole throwing crap and yelling crap thing. It was fun, but the movie is just kind of lame. Sometimes I wonder about these "cult" followings. Went to a "pimps and hos" party and saw a lot of flesh. That was nice nice nice. My parents came out - got some early birthday presents. Went to a scholarship dinner. Watched some baseball, some football, some of this and that. Finished a good book. Beat the eye infection. Got to bed at a decent hour, felt good about living again.

I have thought of a great line to close a speech with. I even have a great topic and outline to go with the speech. Now I just need the opportunity to give the speech. Another reason that graduation cannot come too soon.

But I pregress.

"Like wakin' up from a fucked up dream, suddenly everything's looking good..."
:: Freddy F. at 10:03 AM [+] ::
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Okay, so I've got a lot to go on today, let's see how much we get in before the Boss arrives.

First: I have a problem. I have several really, that lead to worse problems. Maybe they aren't as bad as his are, but they are bad. See, the first problem is I have terrible vision. Downright crummy. I can't really see this computer screen without some sort of assistance. So I wear corrective lenses. Secondly, I don't sleep a whole lot. This means that when three am rolls around and I'm turning out the light, I know I'll have to put my contacts in again in three hours or so, so it's really easy to say 'eh, I'll take them out tomorrow night.' This all leads to the problem of me wearing my contacts anywhere from four to ten days on end. This leads to a potentially dangerous problem of eye infections, so bad that the muscle that dialates the pupil cramps up and they won't dialate, thus allowing too much light in and making it very hard for me to open my eyes. The temorary fix is to not wear contacts for a bit while the eye recouperates. I do this then return to old habits and the infections also come back. This week I decided to permanently fix the problem - I would wear glasses until my eyes were "as white as driven snow." I hate wearing glasses because they get dirty, they bend, they distort vision, and they are just damn uncomfortable, but I was determined to wear them nonetheless. I wore them for three days before a classmate (whom I trust and respect) said they were terrible, that they were ridiculous and last fashionable many years ago. I hardly need to say that I was crushed. I true friend coming around and cracking you one like that can really cut deep. It hasn't determined whether I wear them or not and for the most part I have brushed it off and I really could care less what she thinks about them now, but at the moment I was reminded just how thin our skin can be.

But that was the worst of yeaterday. A better side of yesterday was awarding the prize of "Greatest Vote" to him, for telling me that he was busy taking care of business on Tuesday, even skipping a dinner with an award winning author of one of my favorite reads. Way to go, dude. I hope your efforts will pay off soon and you get a little R&R time.

I think yesterday was a pretty egocentric day on my part. Not only was my ego inflated by the words and praise of others, I did a little ego pumping of my own. And I got to thinking about how judgemental I can be. I try not to be. For the last six or seven months I have tried to make a conscious effort accept people for who they are and if I have a problem with it, it is just that: my problem. I have role models that I follow, people who seem to not have the need or even desire to meddle in the affairs of others - I put myself in company with these people adn try to ignore the others. It comes back to me anyhow, because I think a lot of people around me can be slanderous and I will be the first to admit that I take part in the backstabbing as well. I feel that it is too vain to hope that my insecurity-based arrogance has not cost me friendships, but I will look forward with this problem. From here on out: I won't judge people based on my own personal values (and sometimes double standards). I hope that by constant repetition of the idea that "I will not judge others," that I will reallly stop judging people, especially based on my own egocentric, self-promoting standards.

That was an emotionally exhausting paragraph, that took much longer to write than read. Maybe I'll hit you back later.

"It sucks me in when you're aloof. It sucks me in, it sucks it works, I guess it's cool to be alone..."
:: Freddy F. at 9:52 AM [+] ::
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I had almost forgotten how great it is to walk through campus at 3.30 am and back the other way at 6.30 am. It is so quiet and peaceful. And today it is cold, so very cold. The first real cold day of the season. It's funny how autumn seems to last about one week around here. The temperatures go from 80 to 30 and the trees go from green to twig in about 7 days. Alas, I yearn for milder climes.

I have checked on all my grades and have found... that I'm passing all my classes! Yea!

I had this notion while I was walking up the stairs yesterday. I thought that it felt like a day that was geared toward just taking care of business, getting the stuff that needs to be done, done. But I felt like it wasn't just me that was spending the day accomplishing tasks, it felt like it was everybody. It felt like a day that no one, no where, was taking off the day to go play golf, or going on vacation, or anything like that. On Tuesday the 22nd of October, I beleive that no one called in sick to go have fun, if they called in sick it was because they were. While this may sound depressing, it wasn't a feeling of people being slaves to money, or their job, or such, it was more a feeling of "well, I have this much stuff to do and once I get done with that I can relax, so I'm going to go like hell today and relax later this week" Or maybe I just transposed the way I was feeling onto the entire world. So here's what we're going to do: you let me know whether you were just having a good ol' time yesterday or if you were working to get things accomplished and I will have the results Friday on whether I have my thumb on the pulse of this world (or on the pulse of this world that is my "reading audience") or not.

"Now a bee in a bird's nest never made no honey, and a bird in a hive sang no song..."
:: Freddy F. at 8:46 AM [+] ::
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Well fudge, soocer is over. And it ended on a very "so I guess we got screwed by the Rec once again" note. Apparently we had a game on Sunday at 1. No one told anyone, no one from our team got the message, no one showed up, we forfeited, we're done. How very anti-climactic. So in all, I spent $50, played 2 games, practiced a dozen times and learned alot about a new sport that I can really enjoy as I grow older.

So I'm at work now. Writing stuff here. Seems like a sham really, how I can get all my work done in an hour or two, then spend the rest of my time just goofing off. My boss never come in before 9 and rarely before 10 and sometimes not until 11. Yet he only gives me a finite amount of work, so I end up with dead "on the clock" time. I guess it is good, it gives my mind a chance to unwind and relax. But I still feel bad because my co-workers have stuff to do, so they are stuck with that and I'm just playing Minesweeper for hours on end. But, that's the breaks.

Things I hate:
Working on something so hard, that you dream about it. I dreamt in AutoCAD last night (very much not the first time I have done that) about horizontal curves.
Warm toilet seats - it sounds comforting, but unless you are going twice in a row, well, that's just gross.
Here's another gross one: Seeing that stain on the ground and on the side of a building that I left there by puking on it several weeks ago. Yea, beer. The legacy continues.

Man, this page has just gone straight downhill. Talk about a slippery slope. Debator's? Can I get an "amen?"

"Once again, I'm stuck in here..."
:: Freddy F. at 11:24 AM [+] ::
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Wow, what a weekend. World Series, visiting friends, horizontal curves, movies, and oh so much more, I don't even know where to begin.

First, I'd like to thank the OnederBoy for making drinking and playing Super Mario World the most fun it has been in a long time. 96 worlds, baby, 96 worlds. Have a safe drive, mon ami.

I would also like to review the following movies I saw:
My Big Fat Greek Wedding - my god, the cleavage. Overall, it was a funny movie, with lots of funny little jokes about all of life's and romance's little foibles. That's right, foibles. Otherwise, I'm not sure if it has earned the critical acclaim that it deserves, and if it has it is more a reflection of the movies that have come in recent history. We're just all suprised we actually enjoyed a movie not containing serial killers, huge explosions, or hobbits/wizards.

Le Pacte de Loups (aka The Brotherhood of the Wolf) - The best I can figure is this was two movies in one. The first part was slow, somewhat romantic, somewhat whimsical, and mostly blasse. Then, it got good. Not great, but cool. However, there should be a limit on how many people critical to the plot can come back to life after being killed.

DogTown and Z-Boys - Informative to say the least. There is something that makes it great that it only mentions the X-Games once, and you only see Tony Hawk as an idolizer of skateboarding genius. There is something that makes it bad because the "culture" of skateborading has not reached a point where it has taken over everything or the point where it has vanaished, and therefore doesn't really need a documentary made on it. But there was a lot of cool moves and a lot of cool hair and a lot of cool people. Makes me want to start a scene.

I would also like to review the following books I read:
Watership Down - well, I can't imagine that the movie was any good (in much the same vein as Animal Farm) but a story about political little bunnies was pretty damn good. It was slow at first, I couldn't figure out why exactly I was reading it, but by the end I was in the clutches of the book and helpless to get myself out. One more book off the list, and well worth my time.

Everybody loves a good close match up.

Time to bust out some vertical curves and get this road alignment in.

"The pain I seem to put myself through, the ways I finally submit to you, cat-o-nine tails getting old..."
:: Freddy F. at 4:13 PM [+] ::
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I just checked my counter (allbeit small in number). I'd like to thank all of his friends for visiting. I hope you enjoyed your stay and you come back real soon...

*Whistling theme from "Green Acres"...*
:: Freddy F. at 11:18 AM [+] ::
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Well, I keep starting and stopping this one - before work there wasn't enough time, at work I am under constant fear of getting caught (do you think they would fire me?) and a general anxiety that maybe I should be doing a little more to improve this plant palette. Whatever.

I kind of sucks, being fall break and all. A well deserved day off class if you ask me, but I can't sleep in because Girlfriend has to work, and alas, so do I. So I'm up and atom. Killing time at work - hoping to get some serious construction done this afternoon. Gotta pound out those horizontal curves and stations. Chic-Fil-A for lunch, always a wonderful reward.

[side note: when I read other people's blogs, people I don't know, I always try to find out more information than what they have actually written. Much like a movie can be "dated" by fashion, lingo, or the occasional TAB can, blogs can give away gender, age, geography, occupation, or a multitude of other things, simply by being read between the lines. I find this aspect of the random blog reading simply rad.]

I haven't talked about the big Move in a while now, things have kind of plateau'd a little. Hopefully in the next week there will be a pelethora (sp?) of information coming in, namely where I will be living, where I will be working, what I will be making, and when I will be starting. I am very anxious to have these answers. A lot of people have been securing their internships so far and are going to such amazing places as Kansas City, Dallas, and Denver. Not that these are bad places, but I think Seattle is just right for me.

Which brings up an interesting idea, I'm going to toss it out there, and in the spirit of the "voting on my blog" craze, I'll let you let me know what you think. Since there hasn't been a good party in a while and since there hasn't been a good New Year's in a while, adn since I will be leaving town shortly after the aformentioned date, I was thinking about having a little New Years get-together of sorts. Things that will be included will be: sending my parents to a hotel for the evening, prefereably the nice Ramada downtown; inviting everyone I know, especially those I haven't seen in years; getting a keg (or pony keg, depending on how many people I think I know). Don't think the irony of "bad new years" and "me getting a keg" is lost, but hey, if I'm in charge, then I will do a lot better job of handling myself in a proper respectable manner. In anycase, if you think it is worth a shot, give a shout.

"Proppa..."
:: Freddy F. at 11:11 AM [+] ::
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And as he once said: "Arrgh!"

You see, my stupid game got stupid cancelled because some stupid refs couldn't stand in the stupid cold for fifty stupid minutes while we played. I know there is some great adjective to describe all this, but I can't think of it right now. I even had my gameface on. I guess the game shall wait. As will the booze.

In the meantime I am doing my best to learn how to play cricket. I keep seeing these newspaper articles about it, and I have found that it has all the great fun of baseball, only with honor and dignity, instead of greed and drugs. It's hard to learn a new sport without playing it, but I can't seem to round up the 21 other non-americans that I would need to play.

Plus, my school is very much out of money - go Big 12!

"I envy the hungry, as I eat my words again. Appealing yet appalling, rising to my calling, Going to extremes as I am gagging on this seed, dragging on this scene, gagging on this scene..."
:: Freddy F. at 11:17 AM [+] ::
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My windshield's busted.

But for those of you who know me - it's still nicer to be in a truck than on a motorcycle.

Tonight is the last soccer game of the regular season. In most dramatic fashion: if we win, we go to the playoffs and we'll go out and get ripped tonight; if we lose, we'll just go get ripped. Gotta win - the vibe is good, I feel the soccer jonesin up inside me. Tonight, no hold's barred, no injuries count, and no quarter given. Tonight, as we used to say in the track days, it's balls to the black. (Or, as a famous gym teacher used to say 'It's all cajones, ladies.") Too bad the game is a mere 12 hours away, across three and a half hours of work, five hours of class, three group presentations, two meals, and one episode of the simpsons. May the force be with us.

Sorry to he who wasn't included in the pronoun-weblink fiasco yesterday - maybe that's a good sign I should call him...

"I work hard for the money..."
:: Freddy F. at 8:46 AM [+] ::
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Alright, well, I guess the Royal "We" is back on the right track again. I'm busting nuts like nobody's businees... so much so, that I didn't even have time to turn on my computer until about 8 o'clock tonight. Which prevented me from saying these things earlier:

Happy mother of all birthdays to this crazy cat. I hope you enjoyed the first two and one-fifth decades of your life.

And: I'm sorry he can't see them in this.

And: I'm sorry he can't go see him but maybe he can come see this.

Back to being busy and taking care of the business at hand.

Here is the new mentality, the song that has been running through my head, driving me to recreate what I once was:

"So fuck y'all, all y'all, if you don't like me, blow me. Y'all gonna keep fuckin around with me, gonna turn me back to the old me..."

:: Freddy F. at 9:52 PM [+] ::
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It seems to me that humans, having lousy night-vision and a great lack of overall body hair, or "fur," ought not be active during the cooler nighttime hours. This seems to be the evolutionary demand, and yet the further I delve myself into the chores and demands of life, the more I find myself being active during these same nighttime hours I am supposed to be sleeping through. At the risk of sounding unappreciative, I say that the light bulb, the central heating system, and more specifically, the ESRI ArcGIS software are all making my life glum.

However, there was that point in my life where I strove (strived?) to become greater than the evolutionary process and devolve sleep from my life. I was good, too. I could pull three hours a night for 13 straight days, and once went 52 hours without sleeping. But it was after that last stint, resulting in 16 hours of sleep in 18 hours, that I realized how good sleep is. Now, I can't seem to get below the five hours per night mark, and even that I cannot sustain for very long. Am I getting too old to be doing this? Have I just lost my passion for my work? My work is different than it was two years or even five months ago, but is that it, or have I lost my competitive edge? I just find it harder and harder to focus on the work at hand, bust the proverbial "balls," and get shit taken care of. It doesn't help that I am also getting fat.

Maybe this is where I should draw the line in the sand. Sitting at my desk at work, at 9.45 on a Monday, I want to say "Alright, that's it. Love handles be damned, it's time to whip this shit around!" Time to start going to the rec, time to start pulling those late nights. There was a time when I thought of myself as tough, sinew-y, raw, and sound. I now think of myself as a tub of margairine - not even the drive to be real butter. I am saying now (since I have given myself a nice little Knute Rockne kind of pep-talk) that the rest of this semester is going to be maintaining - not getting any worse. Next semester, there will be trials. Seattle will be a training ground to find the old me (that I have buried under too many late night trips to Wendy's). It's time.

"Knuckle up, bitch..."
:: Freddy F. at 10:47 AM [+] ::
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Oh sweet Blurst, how I neglect thee.

And how I neglect my friends... it sounds terrible, but sometimes it is just easier to say "I'll call tomorrow" and then never do it. I probably will be friendless by the time I'm thirty. And homeless, to boot.

People in Washington D.C. and in Bali should stop killing other people.

I hate group projects.

Please visit the sponsors. And the guy who made this blog get updated (albeit even 24 hours after it was supposed to be).

"My words are like a dagger with a jagged edge, that'll stab you in the head..." Just 'cuz I quote it doesn't mean I agree with it...

:: Freddy F. at 10:42 PM [+] ::
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Man, here I am busting my butt to get this project done, and lo and behold, the serve is down, so I can't print. Sure there are other aspects of this project I can do without having the master plan print out, but it sure would be nice to get that out of the way. Alas, I am afraid that for the time being I am "slave to the [metaphoical] traffic light" that is the Deskjet 800G...

Oh sweet! I'm in!

Game on...
:: Freddy F. at 12:09 AM [+] ::
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First off, I'd like to thank a fine upstanding lad for recommending that I keep up on my current events. Now I am avoiding what I have to do, more than ever, but at least I am an informed citizen.

Secondly, you can all stop worrying about my commitments because I have decided to take care of the most urgent things first (makes sense, right?). My soccer team and planning test shall prevail. Master plan be damned, that's the way it's going to be.

Thirdly... aw shit, I forgot what that was going to be... no wait, I remember. I now owe my Construction teacher a six pack of Miller's (stupid traverse question). Hope he likes MGD. (And for those of you who know I am pretty much a Bud Light kind of guy, don't worry, I think I can handle this switch.)

Finally, I have done some thinking about age and growing up today, realizing that I am but 21 years old and I have had a pretty long enjoyable life. So if I live this long again, I'll be forty-two and that is still pretty young and still able to do lots of things. So I think I will work on some sort of list of things I want to do before I am forty-two. Let's say 40 because that is nice and round. Still a long time.

"I confess it's a shame when you're livin' in a city that's the size of a box and nobody knows your name."

"Glad I came..."
:: Freddy F. at 5:51 PM [+] ::
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